TransLife.net Transgender 101 - Psychological

More than just the transgendered person are affected by transgender. The families and friends of the transgendered individual also have to find ways to deal with it. This can be very difficult depending on the family.

Parents probably have the most trouble with it. Most often parents blame themselves for their child's transgendered behavior. They think it's their fault and that they did something wrong. Many parents don't know how to handle it. Some try to force their children into dressing and acting more stereotypical to their genetic sex. Many parents are ashamed of their child and are afraid they will be stigmatized along with their child. They second guess their own ability to raise children as well. Parents typically feel isolated and don't know who to talk to about it. Depression is also common. One of the most common things a parent feels is worry and concern for their child's future. Every parent wants the best for their child, and being transgender is not easy. No parent wants their child to face possible discrimination, physical harm, and prejudice.

Another family situation that causes hardship is when the transgendered individual is married and/or has children. Generally, cross dressing isn't a huge family issue. It's usually kept between the couple and away from the kids. If the couple gets divorced, it's usually due to other problems, not the cross dressing. However, if the transgendered individual decides to transition, that can cause many problems.

Sometimes this decision can destroy a family. It's rare that a couple will stay married, but that does happen. Spouses of transsexuals often find themselves feeling inadequate, guilt, and confusion. A woman may feel that she was not feminine enough or was maybe too feminine. Typically both males and female wonder if they are now gay or lesbian. Children can often take it just as bad if not worse. They may reject their transitioned parent entirely. Some become depressed and possibly suicidal. Other children may act more stereotypical to their own genetic sex to make up for their parent. Many transsexual parents lose custody and visitation to their children. They solve their own problems but create their family's.

However, keep in mind that not all families are this way. There are spouses who stay together through the transition. Children can be very accepting and tolerant. Families also can be brought closer together through a transition. Each family is different. If a family truly loves their transgendered family member, they will find ways to deal with it and continue on.

Other family issues just stem around telling people about their transgender status. Parents have to make the decision to tell their children or not. This would completely depend on the severity of the transgender behavior. If the behavior is not as severe as transsexualism, then it may not be necessary to tell the children in the family. If the child has discovered the transgendered behavior, then it's probably time to talk about it with them. Another reason to tell the child would be if the parent has decided to transition. Perhaps the parent is out about his or her transgendered status more publicly, then it's probably best to tell the child before they find out from an outside source. However, if the parent's transgendered activity is private, then there may be no reason to tell the child. The child also has to be old enough and intellectually ready to be able to handle the concept of transgender. Otherwise, it may have adverse effects on the child's well being. Just be sure to have thought things through. Many parents worry that telling their child may make their child become transgender too. However there is no evidence that adults or children can get a transgender identity due to regular contact with a transgendered person. There are no "transgender germs". So fear not.

Telling parents about being transgendered is also very stressful and difficult. Everyone fears the possibility of "Problem Parents". These are the parents that abandon or disown their children after they find out about their child's transgendered status. Unfortunately this does actually happen, but thankfully, it doesn't happen as often as accepting parents does. Most children come out about their transgendered feelings because they are seeking some sort of validation. Many come out because they need emotional support. However, generally parents are shocked and are unable to offer that needed support right away. Another thing to consider is that if parents have not been very supportive of emotional needs in the past, they may not be supportive of transgender issues either.