Christina's Diary

03/14/05: My new place

I have decided that i need a place of my own. no not a house but a website. As i feel the need to have a place with a little more room. I will still be leaving entries here on the transgenderd side of things. My sit will be more day to day as well as what ever i feel like throwing out there. If you wanna see it go to
http://www.christinagl.citymaker.com
Please feel free to leave me an email and tell me what you think
Huggs
Christina

03/12/05: I'm a dumb ass

Yep I'll be the first to admit it I'm a dumb ass. As I look back at my past today at work (wasnt very busy). I was thinking about who I was /am old friends and my transition. I then became upset with my self. I'm not upset about being the way I am or feeling the way I do. I'm also not upset about the way my life has turned out so far as I have the most amazing family that any one could ask for. What I am upset with is the fact that I have pushed so many people away. Friends and family. I guess I knew that 1 day I would transition. I was so afraid of people exepting my situation I made there desition for them. I just stopped phoning them or just alienated them. Then I just started working the the point that I had very little time for every one else and they all just slowly moved on. What a dumb shit I was. Who was I to choose if they would still be my friend or not. It was a selfish act that I'm not proud of. I hope that I have learned my lesson. But it sure now makes me appreciate who I now have in my life. This dosn't mean that I'm gonna tell every person I meet about my transition. Nor am I gonna rush out and tell everyone I know about it. But the people that are involved in my life will all find out 1 day and I'm not gonna hide it. People deserve the right to make there own desistions.

Anouther thing that hit me like a wave of bricks was the conclusion that my SNOWBOARDIN SEASON IS OVER. ( sob sob )
I so got shafted this year I bought a full seasons pass at Cypress Bowl and a pass at Whistler. We didnt get (boardable) snow on the hills till mid december. January Cypress was closed because there wasnt enough snow.Then they reopened after a snowfall in febuary. Then milked it for what it was worth. they kept green runs open till 2 weeks ago. I dont do green runs so this didnt do me any good (fun bunny slope) Whistler bearly had enough to keep goin but was all hard a ice.
Last season I made a deal to my self that i would not ride on icy conditions because of injuries. I had 1 concustion / 1 pulled groin / 2 sprained legs / knocked my self out twice and brused my kidneys.
So now I only go when theres good snow which meens I went 4 times this year. I figgerd it out to be $350.00 everytime i went .....nice. can you say waste of money. ARGH
oh well hopfully next seasons better

Currently Listening Pinkerton by Weezer

03/09/05: Carma

Heres some carma for ya. I call in sick so i can have a fun day and go shoppin. What happens I get sick. Whats the fun of havin a sick day if u get sick? I never get sick. Its been at least 3 years since last time i was sick. All i wanted to do was go get some new hoodies and shoes. maybe some new glasses.
But at least today i was good enough to go to my electrolisis apointment and the good news is my face is almost cleared. Its responding very well and we figger only 4 more hours. I'm so excited about it I think I'm gonna do it in 1 visit. It has taken a couple long visits once a week but I'm happy cause it has only taken 2 months and some. HORRAY For me. 1 more step kinda down alot more steps to go.

Currently Listening Fat Music for Fat People by Various Artists

03/07/05: Where to look

Today was a good day. I went to work which was nice because no one else works on sundays and there is no customers. Its just me, my work and my thoughts . Its kinda nice even though i work on average of 125 hours every pay period. Sundays and after hours when im alone at work seem to be the only time i get to my self.So oddly enough i some times enjoy it. But today i relized I'm at al loss here, i seem to deal with my issues not so bad as i always try to find a positive on everything, but what i relized is that i dont have anybody to explore my transgended side with. It would be nice to know some one going through the same stuff as me. I thought about going to one of thoughs meetings but ive heard bad stories that they tend to be full of creaps and 50 year old wierd men. I find it kinda funny ...Vancouver is supossed to be such an open "gay" (I still hate that judgemental term) comunity but i don't know where to start looking to meet some one around the same age as me. If anyone has an idea please feel free to drop me a line. I sure it will all work out, its not like I'm gonna stop my transistion. I think what i should do in the mean time is just relax and play a little hookie tomorrow/today. Do some shoppin maybe a little lunch. Just spend the day clearin my thoughts and have some fun. Piss on work I do enough of that. I think its time to play my favorite game "how fast can 1 drain a checkin account." or my other favorite "how many bags can i carry" Both just as fun. Well if I'm going shopping I better get some sleep till next time

Huggs
Christina

Currently Listening Foo Fighters by Foo Fighters

03/04/05: Christina's Rant

If you dont wanna here me bitch please dont read this

Ok here's a few thing that are realy begining to piss me off.
1. I may be transgendered but why does everyone think that i cant like things that are ramotaly masculine. Like snowboardin. Last i checked there are girls that do that. Get your head out of your ass and relize its just like skiing there are girls that do that to. Also aperantly girls also dont like sports and video games. Like what the fuck come on people this isnt the 1800's we all can share the same intrests its not like u have to have a penis (i know i have one but thats besides the point) to like these things.

2. Why do people react to transgenderd like it the end of the world. Like come on give me a break how am i effecting you. Oh wait dont let me touch you , you just might turn gay. The end of the world is here Christina wants to be a girl send out the four horse men.

3. Aperantly now that im gonna be a girl i must want to wear frilly crap or anything ultra female i possably cant wear wear casual clothes (gee more crazy talk)

And finally 4. This one pisses me off the most (i know it may seem trivial but its NOT) Ok for all of though's people that work in coffee shops please read closely. If you work in a coffee shop you job is not hard. Trust me i know how to pour coffee so i know how hard it realy is. When I pull up to the window (at Tim hortons not to mention any names here) and I order 1 extra large coffee with 2 creams and 1 sugar and 1 hazzel nut crunch doughnut it means 1 extra large coffee with 2 creams and 1 sugar and 1 hazzel nut crunch doughnut. OK this isnt rocket sience you stupid shits. Not 1 extra large coffee with 3 creams and 8 sugars with a freakin bran muffin. I'm regular enuff and dont need a friggen bran muffin and how do you get 3 and 8 out of 2 and 1. Yes this realy happend and this is just 1 example. And IF YOU WORK AT THE TIMMY'S THAT I GO TO HEED MY WARNING DONT SCREW WITH MY MORNING COFFEE EXPECIALY AT 5 IN THE MORNING. BAD THINGS WILL HAPPEN.

Sorry for my bitchin im realy normaly a calm and very nice person who is realy easy to get a long with but 1 thing i cant stand is ignorant and realy dumb people

So thats my bitch of the day sorry if i hurt anyones feelings just dont be such a dumb ass if any of that means u

huggs
Christina

Currently Listening So Much for the Afterglow (14 Tracks) by Everclear

02/19/05: What are the odds

Me and my wife were talking the other day and we both decided to have 1 more kid. I love kids and she wants 1 more but she wants them to have the same dad. I figgerd that we should try soon as in a few months ill be steral and the odds of us having 1 more together gets les with each passing day. It doesnt help that shes been on the shot for over 2 years because it could take that long again for her to become fertal. Well it took less then 2 weeks and she was knoked up. I was totaly blown away. Here i was in the doctors office with her for our daughter and she thought she would take the test for shits and giggles. He comes in and goes congrats your pregnant. This is great now i have my 2 kids and i dont have to worry about having kids.

Buts whats good news with out some bad. here i am happy as i can be with the news i just got . So i decide to go out and have a good time. So i decided on my travels to get a coffee. As im walking into tim hortons for a coffee i relized that i forgot my cup as i turn around i see my truck smokin. Yep my truck is a smoker. What a piece of crap. Suprisenly i was very calm about the hole thing i just walked up to it opened the hood looked at where it was smokin and went and got my coffee. I was way to mad to care. So I figgerd if there is a god or some one up there I must be his comic relief. I went from having an ugly car that was the best car that i ever had and my HUGE profit sharing bonus. To having a broken truck , getting the privolage of being broke ass and getting the fun honor for taking the looser cruiser yep the bus. Yep times are good
Oh well I guess it could be worse

Currently Listening Dude Ranch by Blink 182

02/09/05: This Stuff Is Great

Holy crap this siponolactone stuff is great. I'm on a small dosage and i notice a big differance. I wish i had this stuff sooner.(I could have if i wasnt such a chicken) I just cant wait for the next step cause it sucks having to follow all these rules and guide lines. I know that they are here for a reason but I'm so sure that this is somthing that i must do i wish they would speed things up for me. But on the flip side the waiting game will alow me to stay at my job till i get my next bonus which could be used for any surgery i might want . So there is a silver lining i guess

Currently Listening Let Go by Avril Lavigne Song: Tomorrow

02/03/05: Fun Fun Fun

Well what can i say anouther fun day of electro. Its kinda funny in a way because this is high on my things i hate list but at the same time its just as high on the things i love list. Theres nothing more fun than staying in the same spot for more than an hour while some one zaps your hair then pulls them out (at $85.00 per hour). And what makes it seem worse is that i have hundreds of hours to go. Oh fun fun fun. But on the positive side the regrowth shows alot of prommise by not being to deep and light.
On a plus side though the girl that does it is one cool chick. She is one of the Few people that know about this and when i told her she had such a good aditude about it. She seemed so happy and excited for me. I wish everybody could have her attitude about my transition because i know that i will loose most of my famaly and prob must if not all of my friends. This should make work fun seeing that i work with must of them. Well I guess that will kill my job. Yep good times ahead. Then again no one said hat this would be easy.

Currently Watching Family Guy, Vol. 2 (Season 3) starring Seth Macfarlane

02/01/05: Today It All begins

Today I went to my endroconalegest or how ever you spell that ....hooked on phonics worked for me. This was my first visit with her. What a nice lady. She proscribed me some pills called spironolactone. This is a step in the right direction. If all goes well she said that in three months she would make a few aditions to what she is givin me now. With this there will be some small changes but not to expect the world. But hey some change is better than no change right.

Huggs Christina

Currently Reading Cube Route (Xanth) by Piers Anthony

02/01/05: Here We Go

Hi everybody my name is Christina.....or it will be sooner than later.
Let me tell you a little about myself. I'm a 20 somthin mtf. I've spent most of my life pretendin that my gender dysphoria would just go away and life would go on and I could keep my family prowd of me. I've come a long way from being a 4 year old wishin i was a girl.
Growin up was horable beause of this. I always belived that my condition was wrong and that i could not tell any one this as my family was not the most accepton gof the "Gay Comunity" God i hate that term. But as i just found out I was half wrong. Thank you Mom . I spent my childhood with alot of pain with this figgering i twould go way I became 1 of the boy's. God was i good at this. When it came to sports I was always the best. This was the best way in my mind to prove myself to everybody. So not only did i make dad proud i had fun to. But this only lasted so long. As my family life at home started to crash my feelings of eanting to be a girl got worse. As i hit 12 or thirteen sports wernt anough any more. I fell into deprssion and hid it from everybody. No one ever knew if i show'd signs of it i would be just having a bad day. I became a real jerk to be around. I would push people away and became a bully. I had a tight groop of friends but one close friend. He had his problems and i had mine we never talked about them just did what ever we could do to forget them. This led to some bad days for me. I just didnt know what to do my Mom dad and sis all when there own ways and i was left alone. So i bounced around from Vancouver to Prince George Where my Friend moved to and his family tried to help me out but no dice. Then I moved back to Vancouver. I tried to move back with my mom but she had her problems of being alone for the first time and her new boy friend hated me. So i left I was littery hours and i mean hours away frim being homeless. One of what i thought was a friend through me a bone and took me in. When that happened I relized What a shmuck I had been. I vowed to myself that I would be profect again. I landed me a quick job and it worked for a bit but i got to comfortable and relized that it wasnt prefect. So i went to work with my dad. Now i was playing with the boys. Metal work . Yep Danger and good pay. This would fix my gender feelings. WRONG what a suprise this didnt work. So I sliped again kinda. I had a nice 6 month vacation, regrouped and fell in love with the most beutiful loving preson ever. I landed a good job good pay benifits medical dantal profit sharing and o yes a pensoin.
Then one day at work my girlfriend told me that she was pregnent. This was wonderful. I was so happy. So we got married and had a beautiful girl life was good. I was happy I made my family prowd. But that high only lastes so long. dont get me wrong i love my wife and kid but the feeling which i thought i supressed came back with avengence they never realy went away i did my best to ignore them. Now it has come to the point that i cant deal with them anymore and have to start to deal with this.

Currently Listening Scenery and Fish by I Mother Earth Song: Pisser