Greetings

Hi gang, hope this finds you in good form. I myself am pretty good but something has been nagging me for the past few weeks and I m just wondering if I can get your opinion and/or help on it.

When I started going full time ie September last year I felt good and believed that nothing would get me down. As this is the way I wanted to lead my life I felt refreshed and I had a good job and great friends. If you read my last entry you will see that I have since quit my job and although I do miss dealing with customers on a daily basis I feel loads better because I of it but still something keeps annoying me. I try in vain to ignore this but its no good, maybe its my Catholic roots telling me that I will go to hell for incurring God's wrath.

The main problem is when I am out with my friends I am quite, some even say antisocial and it gets on their nerves, I dont know what it is but I freeze and although I have talked to my psychologist about this, who says that it takes time to fit into a new role and that my friends are just looking out for me as they want me to be happy.

Also as recent as 15 minutes ago I got a message on my phone saying that my friend Edel wanted to talk to me yesterday when I passed her on the street and I just walked past her, to be honest I thought that she was in a hurry to get back to her apartment or college.

If you cant help dont worry

Sorry I havent posted in months but a lot has been happening

First of all I have left my job as it was doing my head in and since I will be moving to Derry in the North come June I have started looking at my options up there. Also I have been getting grief from one of my housemates who just cant work out why someone like me wants to be a woman. I tell her its how I have always felt and still she doesnt understand. To make matters worse, one night before Christmas she bitched about me to her friends, saying that I was a freak and that I shouldnt be living with her and her boyfriend. I quite like her boyfriend in a friendship way as he is always civil to me plus I think she dominates him which is not good for him in the long run. Anyway I decided not to stoop to her level and went about my business.

I went home for Christmas and met up with my younger sister who was so glad to see me as she is in University in Cork and while my older sister brought up her kids and new boyfriend for me to meet I couldnt help but notice that he was more than a bit uncomfortable with meeting his future sister in law but in the end he said "each to their own". I never realised how cute my niece Casey was until she said "Auntie Kerri will Santa know to bring my presents here" I replied of course he will and on Christmas Day she got a pleasant surprise when she went into our sitting room and saw loads of presents.

Just before New Year's Eve my friend Berni called up and we talked for what must have been 6 hours about men, work etc. She is one of the main reasons I have decided to move to the North as she works in Strabane (quite close to Derry) and knows people who would be willing to employ me. She left at 10pm and on the 30th I went to pay my rent but got distracted by the sales and although I didnt buy anything I asked them to keep things for me.

On Jan 7th I found out Berni was in a minor accident when she was coming home from work, her car was a write off and although she wasnt hurt, she was quite shaken and was given a week off to recover. I really wanted to go to see her but something told me not to. Also during this time my other friends Linda, Liz & Edel were studying for their exams while I wanted to go out I decided it was best if I went to the cinema, so I went to see Lemony Snickett, Elektra & Meet The Fockers. As it transpired I took a dose of hormones before going to see Lemony Snickett and in hindsight this was not a good idea as I think I must have been the only one in the cinema who cried at the end. I wasnt ashamed of this but in a weird way it made me feel good.

Since I am now temporaraily unemployed, I went home last Wednesday much to the delight of my mum and dad. Also with Rag Week (Student Drinking Week) coming up I am saving up for that and plan to go absolutely crazy with my friends, flirt with anything with two legs, let my hair down & show off my femininty.

Once again I m sorry for not posting sooner

Love Kerri xxxxxxx

"Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
And nothing else matters"

What a last couple of days,

First of all on Friday, I heard that I will be going down South to Cork for work on Sunday afternoon and as it was my first time I was scared as I had to get the train to Dublin and then another down to Cork.Normally I dont mind public transport but I got a bad feeling and it wouldnt go away.

Later that night while with friends we chatted about going out on saturday night, clothes, makeup etc. I m glad that I m being accepted as one of the girls and that I have 4 really good friends who would stick up for me if I got hassle.

So on saturday afternoon we went shopping and had lunch and did some more shopping Later on while getting ready one of the girls invited a friend of theirs up and didnt consult me. So at around 8pm Karen came around bearing gifts such as Vodka, Coke, Bacardi etc. I had only just come out of the shower and went into Kitchen to get my clothes and my towel fell off and I died of embarassment.

Karen was really taken aback and needed an explaination so as is always the case Elizabeth took that role while I got ready. Karen apologised which I accepted. So while the other girls were getting ready she asked me loads of deep probing questions which I did my best to answer.

So at 12:00 we all headed out clubbing and surprisingly there wasnt many ppl queing as we got to the club, we walked up to the door and got asked for ID and since I only had a male form I showed it and the bouncer looked at me and said "sorry mate" I was offended but didnt want to pursue it as it was my stupid fault that I only had male form.

As I was coming home, I got a phone call from my boss saying that I didnt have to go to work, this pissed me off and after my call I got a sms from Edel sayin that she was sorry that I didnt get in, I texted back a really poison text but apologised for it which she forgive me for.

That night I dreamed that I had the power to remove my outside organs without the need for SRS but instead woke up screaming.

Thats all for now

Hugs and Kisses

Kerri

xxxxx

Greetings again

Well things have been steadily getting better for me as of late, I have money to go shopping for food, clothes, entertainment and most important Rent. Yep Rent is more important than Hormones how so you may be asking well I have to pay my rent each month and as it takes so much out of my monthly wages I have very little money left for anything else by the way my hormones are paid for by my parents which helps matters enormously.

Normally when I go shopping its just window and today I saw a lovely coat perfect for an irish winter and as is always the case (well for me anyway) all the nice stuff comes in when I have no money

Although I still get looks from ppl who say "look at that freak" or something I always reply by saying at least I am being true to myself, Ireland is still a good bit behind the world when it comes to acceptance of transgendered ppl but I still believe the more they see of me, the more they will cop on that there are ppl like us around and we are not afraid in fact quite the opposite.

Hiya my name is Kerri and I am a M2F Transsexual from Ireland

I suppose my situation is similar to those who are here ie isolation, depression and self denial but without the support I have had in the past few months I dont think I would be here today to tell my story let alone keep a diary.

About Me:
Full Name: Kerri Ann
Nationality: Irish
DOB: 22 October
Age: 25
Dad's Name: William
Mum's Name: Irene
Siblings: Mary 27, Catriona 21
Best Friends: Berni, Elizabeth, Edel & Linda (All GG's)
Height: 5'7"
Weight: 150 lbs
Shoe Size: UK 7
Dress Size: UK 14

I will add more later