Amy's Diary

08/05/05: Long over due update

Well alot has happend since my last update. First of all ive gotten a girlfriend. She is currently living in South Korea but is moving in with me in october for a few months. Eventually we will live together fulltime. Transition is going well no real change there. Electrolysis is making alot of progress. My face actually looks normal now its amazing.

I went to the family reunion on the 4th and people were shocked to realize how diffrent I looked. I think they were expecting me to look like a man in a drag and not like a 22 year old girl. Everyone is supportive a few of the elderly ladies thought I was my cousin heathers friend from school. One even asked me if I was my brothers girl friend because she hadnt seen me before lol. I had a good time and I got to be my self so that was nice. I remember all the old family functions I felt so left out.

I bought some anime stuff last week. I got a Ah! My goddess wallscroll, a Ah! My goddess shirt and a inuyasha shirt. both of which are pink ^. Things are a bit boring here im eagerly waiting for jennifer to come live with me. I miss her so much it hurts.

I got my blood test results back yesterday. Im perfectly healthy the one part that I thought was rather funny is my testosterone level is lower than that of a genetic girl. Hehe ^. My doctor said it was a safe level just a bit low.

I made a couple new local friends but they are also really busy so we dont hang out much. Plus they are from the twin cities so its a bit of a drive.  Well thats about all thats going on here.

_Amy

Currently Watching Love Hina - Spring Special Movie starring

05/04/05: Cross roads

Well its been 8 months ago since I took that first pill. Since then my skin has changed drastically I even got rid of all my acne, its softer and more femminine looking. I developed breasts My figure has changed some what. I know im sterile...Ive been at the point of no return for a while now. I dunno why im just now thinking about it. guess I been so excited. I never felt I was a boy to begin with. I guess Im just writing this because Ive totally purged my self from my male existance other than my memorys that person never existed. I look around my room nothing is untouched from when I started. And im happy I guess im regretting not coming out sooner but i was to affraid.

I dunno I guess this morning is a day of thought. So Alex is really pissing me off. She bearly talks to me and is acting fishy some thing is up but i dont know what im bout to dump the jerk. Why cant I find a nice girl who will treat me right x.x

So lately Ive noticed that I rarely think about sex or get horny these hormones really do rewire you. I mean Those effects come rather quickly but lately ive gone like month to two months without even getting excited over thinking about sex.

Today I got another anime mwahaa Im such a cute little nerd and Im not ashamed to admit that! I look really cute tonight.

~Amy~

Currently Watching Bubblegum Crisis Tokyo 2040 - Perfect Collection starring

05/01/05: Neon genesis

YAWN im am so bored. I rarely update because my life is so boring. Basically I watch a ton of anime and chat online so if you wanna chat feel free ^.^ amy_rayanne@yahoo.com Im usually always on. So Im currently watching Evangelion wooooo

Lately Ive been looking in the mirror alot some days I feel I look kinda cute then the next I feel like crap. 8 months into transition and I feel like im running out of steam some times. Im getting there though.
~Amy~
Oh ya and Alex and I are still together shes such a cutie ^.~

Currently Watching Neon Genesis Evangelion - Platinum Collection 3 starring

04/07/05: Look at me..to many things lately your all I need, you smile at me and said..

Hi yas everyone.

So last night I was cleaning out my closet and dresser...Good lord I got alot of clothes i dont like. Mostly tops I cant stand all my tops from last year. I dunno what I was thinking.I guess it is true that early in transition you buy some pretty off the wall stuff like a 13 year old LOL. So ya i gotta buy alot of new tops in a few weeks or ill be wearing winter clothes in 80 degree weather. I found a ink stain on one of my punky white skirts x.x pissed me off least its small im gonna try to get it out today.

So last night I was being all immature and screwing around with my 18 year old brother just being goofy, and I was jumping up and down like a idiot lol and I sliped on a blanket and landed on my back lol. He thought it was pretty funny, hes lucky i had jeans on under my skirt to or he would of got a real show lol. Bad enough I put SRS pics on his screen saver for april fools. Hes still trying to get me back for that.My brother and I are really close hes a good kid. He sat with me for 2 hours when my sister hurt me. Calling me all kinds of names and telling me im worthless and a freak over some thing i cant help.Dan sat with me as I cried telling me it was ok and he loved me and I was more of a sister to him than my sister sarah. That felt really good he earned alot of points with me for that.

My mom made sure I was okay to. My sister isnt really welcome here anymore no one wants to see her.She cant accept me for me. And for selfish childish reasons. Shes worried ill be prettier my breasts are already bigger than hers my figure is better. Shes threatend and dosnt think I deserve to look good since im a "freak". But whatever I dont need her I never did.

So I had electro again, day three of three woot its over for this week. I get 3 sessions a week for about a hour to a hour and a half each. My face ends up rather sore by day 3. I cant wait to go shave this shit off my face so I look good again. =) well thats all for now gotta go..
~Amykat~

Currently Listening Everywhere by Michelle Branch

04/05/05: Sisters departure

So my sister is no longer in my life. She isnt accepting of me transitioning and we got in a huge fight..Bad things were said mostly on her part.shes jealous of me because im not ugly. Shes pissed ive got a better figure, shes mad I get alot of attention from my parents. This is a 28 year old woman. Finally she said the one thing that pissed me off. "your not a real woman anyways" Thats the end of her in my life.My little brother is very support of me, he is 18 years old and him and I are very close.He even said I was always more of a sister to him than my oldest sister. Im 22 and my older sister is 28. Ive done good enough without my big sister around she was always gone and never wanted to see me cept to trip me or push me down.

The other 98% of my family is supportive and ive got a large family. So im not really loosing any thing cept a selfish bitch who cant handle the fact her little sister is going to be prettier than her when shes finished transitioning.

~Amy~

Currently Watching Evanescence - Anywhere But Home starring

03/28/05: Another day another disapointment

Well today was just like any other. Really boring, Only good note is my movies came today! I signed up for blockbuster.com so I could get more anime. I was tired of local video stores not carring any thing but stupid pokemon or Yhugio....So today I got Inuyasha the movie II and Mezzo ' Forte.

Mezzo' forte is hallarious i seriously recommend it if you wanna laugh your ass off. It is rather bloody and perverted in some scenes but its pretty damn funny.So I have electro tommarow like usual x.x...

I wish there was more to my life than being a anime junkie and not having any friends its pretty depressing. I just dont know what to do with my free time. I stoped playing video games because I got rather addicted again to them.

Right now my friend michelle and my brother are working on a Manga where the main character is a girl in a traditionally male role...As the pervert haha. She even gets nose bleeds when she sees a hot guy...Well gotta go my friend just signed on yahoo and im pretty mad at him. Ttyl

Currently Listening Stripped by Christina Aguilera

03/24/05: Long time no update

I apologize for the lack of updates!!!!!!!
I havnt been busy or any thing just lazy. I took some time off from every thing to play games.. childish huh? I think so what of it? So lately ive been getting mass rounds of electro and sitting on my hands waiting for nature to takes its course and fix my body. Im looking pretty cute latey to. My friend introduced me to some type of music called Jrock the guys look like women and its really weird but interesting. I plan to update more often ^^ My face is red from electro today and the day before and the day before lol I swear i live down there at my electrolysist office.
Well ttyl and good night

Currently Listening Christina Aguilera by Christina Aguilera

12/07/04: Late update

Im so sorry for the lack of updates. When I get busy I just space out and forget to do alot of stuff I normally do. Well new developments, my mom and I went clothes shoping so I have plently of clothes plus Im almost passable so im like over joyed.Second my sister has come around about me being trans and is learning to accept it and even calls me Amy. Electrolysis is progressing nicely I can see my whole face again without shadows.and it feels so smooth hehe.

Thats about it I need to write a X-mas list to give to my mom she has no idea what I want. I told her clothes but she is worried she will buy stuff I dont like so Ill shop online and show her what I want. So talk to yall later

~Amy~

Currently Listening Autobiography by Ashlee Simpson

11/12/04: Amy a work in progress

So ive been getting electrolysis for a few weeks now. My facial hair is quickly being removed its so awesome. I would say a good 55% is gone my whole chin and cheeks are clear.All thats left to be cleared is my sideburns and neck. HRT has helped me quite a bit as of late ive noticed my breasts are actually looking more like breasts instead of swollen lumpy nipples.

I have been reading alot lately, not much else to do. I had a dream the other night about a girl I like and it got my emotions all sturred up again so that upset me.

Not much has been going on lately though, I met April and I really like her. She is a good friend and am glad to know her. My dad has been a real pain in the ass as of late. Apparently he wishes I would of commited suicide before I told him I was TS. I dont know if he is serious or just angry. It hurt hearing that. On a side note ive given my punky/goth ways. It brings way to much unwanted attention to me. I look kinda cute when I dress normal but if I look to freakish people dont even think im female but think im some sort of weirdo. I cried about it after being stared at a million times at the mall.

So thats it in the life of Amy. Also I have a crush on frostfire =( (Samantha) it sucks cuz she is in Mississippi.

Love always Amy Rayanne C

Im a rogue always have been....

*have you ever tried not being a mutant?

Currently Listening Are You Happy Now? by Michelle Branch

10/28/04: Dying to be normal

Well today has sucked so far, for those of you who dont know I live at home still due to transition costs and inability to find a job in girlmode. Im one month into my RLE. So today my dad started on me for not making any money, well I actually do make money but it all goes to electro. Hes mad because he has to pay for my therapist and my pills. OoOOo big deal thats not very much money anyways. So I explained why I didnt want to work at Mcdonalds with my mom. #1 she dosnt call me Amy so it would lead to confussion and me being outed easily. #2 Im not supposed to be around grease and heat due to my dry skin on HRT. #3 if I just took orders all day with my Amy name tag id be instantly outed by every costumer because the mcdonalds outfits dont leave much to the imagination thus leaving girlmode impossible. #4 I havnt got all my facial hair removed yet so then again Easily outed in public even now when I go out i dont pass that good but thats diffrent I can keep walking and dont have to be stuck in one spot while being laughed at and looked down at.

Its just not fair I just want to fit into soceity and be happy without people trying to rush me when im obviously not ready. Its like only cooking a frozen pizza for 4 minute and saying eat it anyways. Its not right...I wish my dad would see im doing the best that I can with what I have availible. I am looking for a more private job though soon as my electrolisis book is done being typed up. So thats it for now More later

Luv ~Amy~

Currently Listening Final Fantasy X-2: Original Soundtrack by